Being emotionally connected to your actions

So let’s go back to last week’s conversation. We looked at the emotional models that we run that show up in a lot of things in life. So not only do those models show up in your trading, for sure, they’re likely in other areas like relationships, friendships in your work, and you can learn a lot about yourself. If you take a take a minute and just say, okay, well, what’s the emotional model I have in my love life. What’s the model that I have in my platonic friendship life. What’s the model that I have within my nuclear family. And it’s not good or bad. This isn’t about judgment. This is more about learning about yourself and what makes you tick. So then you say to yourself, I want to affect some change.

And we’re all basically on some level, there’s a lot more to it, but on some level, we’re the sum total of our habits. And our habits are things that we do over and over and over again. Sometimes we do them consciously. Other times, we’re doing them. We’re not even aware of them. So when you look at the habits or the things that you do, and you look at them and you conjugate them to your emotional model, you can start to understand on a deep level. Why do you do what you do? You could also understand, because I’ve mentioned a few times on the show, why people set New Year’s resolutions, but then never hit them. It’s because they’re not really connected to what they do or why they do it. They don’t know how these new actions are going to serve them. And if they do make an attempt, you can see where, what or why or how it might not work. Because now you’re breaking up the band. The Police are breaking up and they’re all going to work on solo projects and that’s kind of painful. There are new feelings. So when you have a group of feelings that are strung together, and you’re going to try to affect change in your life, you’re going to have to interrupt and edit your emotional model. And that might feel weird. Might make you feel uncomfortable. It might make you feel excited. It doesn’t always have to be negative. .

I was talking with a friend recently who had gone through a breakup and we got into the details, but one of the things that we were able to figure out in talking about this, I did, I do most of the listening. And he said something that was pretty interesting, that I kind of knew in that he’s had over the last 20 years five or six different significant partners. And although they all had different names, they were effectively the same person. And I thought that was pretty, it was good insight for him to achieve. We had kind of seen it be we can observe everybody’s behavior. And again, it’s not about judgment. It’s not saying that so and so is a loser or otherwise it’s just an observation, like what makes the person tick? So you can do this to yourself and look and see, okay, well what are the results that I’m getting? How are these results serving me emotionally? What are the steps that I’m taking to get to these results? Because if intentions equal results on some level, the results that you get are manifested, but exactly the way you want them.

And that’s tough to hear for some folks, especially if they’re struggling or they’re trying to figure it out. So that’s one of the reasons why I kind of pre-empt a lot of this stuff and say, don’t do certain things. Even though it runs in the face of everything else that you’ve heard, because I know the emotional model that goes with that behavior and I can foresee where it ends up because behavior predicts where you end up. So when people say, oh, you really know how to read people. It’s like, well thank you. But what I really understand is human behavior because I studied mine and I studied my peers so that I could learn about myself. I don’t want to find myself in a situation that I have no business being in figure, especially if I didn’t put any thought into it. That’s the stuff that kind of drives me crazy. It’s like, how the hell did I end here? How did I, how did I end up in this situation?

So luckily for me, I don’t really find myself in these spots where I’m in over my head because I measure, if they say the carpenter measures twice and cuts once – I measure 85 times, I’m not anal, but especially like business stuff or otherwise really have to figure out why do you do what it is that you do? How are, how are your needs met? What emotional needs are fulfilled by you doing what you do. So we’re going to talk about that more this week because there’s a lot of ways to look at it. And I think at no extra cost to you, you can certainly look at it, but I’ll leave you with this today. When you think about all the traders that you know, that aren’t making money consistently, you can say one thing is for sure. And that is, they’re probably not behaving consistently in and around a model that they’ve designed by themselves with no extra input that’s compatible with who they are as people.

And so now you’re asking them to feel different feelings that they’re probably unwilling to feel. And as long as that’s the case, you could put down a big bet that that person’s going to stay in that same spot for years and years and years. Because until they go back to the place or the root of the cause of everything, then there’s no change that’s going to happen. And the struggle will continue. So one way or another, you have to face that and those feelings more sooner than later, if you in fact, want to affect change. Anyway, that’s all I have for you today. We’ll pick this up again tomorrow. Thanks for being here, folks.

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